Marguerite Tennier (makesenseoflife.com) is a participant in the Amazon.com.ca, Inc. Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.ca.”
This post may contain affiliate links.
For a passionate, happy marriage: connect.
Those of you who know me know that I am a life-long learner. I love learning new stuff but not just any stuff. What interests me is everything about what makes us tick as human beings, what makes us happy and what makes for good relationships and a healthy, happy marriage. I am a book worm, and now with all I can find on the web, I am in heaven.
I recently listened to a very interesting interview with Jeff Forte. Jeff was a a conflict resolution professional working with CEO’s and other executives to improve team work before he became a relationship specialist.
How Jeff came to work from couples is directly related to what he did for a living. He used the same strategies he used with CEO’s to try and resolve the trouble at home with his wife (it worked). So began his career working with couples.
What does Jeff know that you don’t? Well I was as curious as you.
Relationships are the one place where one should be able to find a soft landing place. A safe place to be yourself, to feel loved and cherished. Unfortunately, about half of marriages end in divorce and of those who remain married, and Jeff Forte’s estimate is that only about 10%, yuk! are truly happy.
I was intrigued to know what Jeff Forte had to offer when I saw the title of his short interview: 3 Easy Ways to Have A Passionate, Happy Marriage for a Lifetime.
I knew I would enjoy the interview when right the beginning Jeff talked about connection. Connection in relationships is about trust, about feeling safe to be real. This is what Ms Kira Kirshenbaum mentions in her book: Is he Mr. Right (another fantastic book about what makes for healthy, happy relationships).
That is why I mention Ms Kirshembaum’s book. Her take on relationships is that they need friendship, or as she calls it many types of chemistry, not just the sexual one, which creates that deeper connection Mr. Forte is talking about.
Jeff Forte is different in his approach to repairing relationships. His recipe for a Passionate, Happy Marriage for a Lifetime includes the following:
Stop what you are doing that creates dis-connection: being half-there, taking your partner for granted, not being reliable, arguing, or any other behaviour that is not loving and respectful.
Couples with a deep connection usually are also friends, and treat each other with respect always, even when they are not in agreement and are angry with each other.
Do more of what sustains the connection: be loving, appreciative, a great partner. Often this is what partners did at the beginning of the relationship. Simple, right? Right if the relationship was based on a healthy friendship from the beginning.
Finally, the third step is to address the real issue(s). What has affected or is still affecting each partner? This is about alignment issues and obviously, it cannot happen until the first two steps have been completed.
Where are you no longer (or never were) on the same page about important values: fidelity, money, sex, children’s discipline, vision of what it means to be married or other important values. Or as many couples discover, were you ever on the same page?
It’s only once the connection has been repaired that couples can truly communicate what’s at the root of their discontent.
Jeff Forte is adamant that what many marriage counsellors advise, that is to work on communication, or date night is not working because it fails to look at the deeper issue: lack of connection and when partners don’t feel connected they often not want to be in the same room, let alone have a romantic dinner.
If your relationship is struggling right now, it’s totally possible to re-connect if you simply lost the connection. If there was no real connection to start with (except the physical dimension), you will have a tougher time.
If you are single and hoping to create a great relationship in the future I urge you to read both books to learn what makes a happy marriage for a lifetime.
If you enjoyed this post, please let me know and share on social media. Look at a previous post on tips for happy love
This author is also an expert on relationships and his book is also a must read
Want a coach to help you implement changes to better connect with a partner? Use the contact form to get in touch, so we can plan a strategy phone session. I coach by phone with a maximum of one or two clients.